🍁 Last Autumn, Little Butterfly 🦋

  Stop giving way too much energy to situations that deserves less  Stop doubting yourself, you stand nothing to Lose. It all works in the end but it only works if you do. Stop wasting your energy on thoughts that won't bring you Joy. So Just stop and let go. P.s ; I Have Learned To Be Mindful of Where I Decide To Invest My Energy. When A Situation Asks Me To Spend Energy On It But I Am Aware That The Situation Does Not Have My Value In Mind, I Take My Energy Back.

  I want you. I really want you. More than you'll ever know.   You're the only person who ever made me feel this way.  I've been hoping in the beginning But I know we can't be together now. I still want to see your smile. I still want to be the reason you smile. I still want to see you and respect you And I still want to help you at your lowest point.    I want you to think of me everyday like I think of you.  I still want you to hug me and tell me that everything will be okay and I want to believe in you.   I still want to do stupid things together.   I don't want to be afraid to show the real me. I don't want you to be afraid to show me the real you. I want to see the sunrise and sunset together.   I want to stay up all night laughing with you.   I really want to be with you and I want you to feel the same way.   But most of all I know its just a dream now. 🍁

I don't know what made me want to write this,  I guess bcs I miss you.   But I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me.   I look at you like you put the stars in the sky.   well you are my star.   You know what  seeing you give me butterflies,  hearing your voice give me butterflies,  Everythin you do give me butterflies, I love you like crazy.   I have never felt this much love for anyone.    Oh Man,  I just want to be able to stay up late and watch movies and cuddle with you everyday.   I want you to play video games and I just sit on your lap while you play them. I don’t know I just want you🦋

  Leave.   Don't allow yourself to feel comfortable in a space where you know you deserve better.   Love is not to hurt.  Love is not meant to be given minimally.   Love doesn't require you to be colder, or less emotional, or less of yourself, in order for you to be worthy to meet you.   Love chooses you.  In good, and in bad.  It's not nearly a thing.   It's not something you should ask for.   It's not something you have to constantly struggle with, something that is always a source of pain and confusion and hurt.   There is power in letting go of whatever is forcing you to let go of yourself.   Don't ignore what you know in your heart. Just leave. 

  Sunday - I'd rather be at home alone or with a good book and lovely mother. but now that you here, I wonder who you are. You seem to give charm to everyone you meet.  You did it so perfectly - quiet politeness, genuine friendliness, genuine unromantic poses. That's good, Very good. Before I was scared in fact you already in marriege lyfe, but you tell me in this mornin’ that you already done with your marriage lyfe ( Mean; Divorce ) And Its calm me down. Hi I'm sorry for looking directly at you,  but Its me, nd I do see everyone like this.   You have very strong personal power, so do I.  I think it's time for us to meet.  You may want me to explain myself.  Forget it.  I have a bullet-proof heart, and no one can go through it without my permission.   I didn't give up anything.  Not at all.  One of my secret pleasures is influencing the minds and souls of others, while I remain invisible to them.   In fact, I prefer it when ...

  Fish love luxury and fantasy.   She likes class things one.   Kidnap her to stay at a  four-star hotel, or at least a four-star restaurant.   Make sure dinner will last at least 2 hours…   Try the Japanese banquet,  where the two of you are endlessly served delicious food in a separate room for hours on end.   You can always give her some expensive champagne -   Pisces adores water and it has to do with all things liquid.   In fact, anything water related can be a great idea.   A small shower for the porch of the house, or a picnic with the full moon by the sea or near a lake would be great fun.  Or surprise her with a few nights of warm baths, where you show up in skimpy clothes,  with a drink still bubbling, and with a sweetest massage of his tired muscles with rubbing oil.  Balsam was what needed to dispel the winds of life that had blown against her with mighty gusts ;D Xo🍁

  Instruction .   Autumn need a sense of security and the permanence  of you, and the feelings you know where your destination is going.   But her attitude make you blind.   sHe will ask you wrote a “ novel ”, but then she would no matter how little and it will be published every year. ( yas that a real joke ). Silly her a dreamer , so she’s expect to much to people. Again; p.S.   - sHe can be casual, ah so casual.  Put a stop to that nonsense, and let she know that now-you-see me, now-you-not, isn't love play fun?

  More than any star, Autumn girl ( A  Pisces girl ) wants to be understood.   Show your intuition as high as possible and adapt to the uniqueness of this girl in all forms of life. sHe won't describe herself As a passive person, her is just a simple energy conversation.   And press- cool spective, - in terms of feelings, that's how it is. she's so simple in a gentle way you can get her, Why do all that effort? Let's sit in the back row and watch everyone else go crazy over it.  if you don't want to be a spectator then move! get his heart:

Marry ? I think, She didn't like the idea.   Well, maybe yes   If you're a sensual man, very assertive, with a sense of adventure that can infuse her with ' Purpose.'  But really, W hy bother her with the wedding?   Why not just be together, If she really had to, she would look for someone who was very sensitive, gentle, dreamy, wise, and financially stable.   In other words, like her ideal self.

  You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you're doing, where you are, who you're with, and if you're OK.  You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and who can protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws.  You should be with someone who can make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy. Happy on ur own life. 🌶️🍁

  Again I feel my life is useless, its no use for me in this world, feels like I want disappear from this world, what should i do to make my soul better, everytime i break down i feel like i want to die, What I have to do?   It hurts, it hurts so much, no one knows this pain, it may not be visible, it may be considered normal, even though I feel so much pain that I feel like dying.   Tightness, it feels very tight in the chest,  should I give up?   yes i want to die because i feel my life is a failure, why i haven't achieved what i want, when will i get to that point?  Forgive me god i am not fine rn, god please help me fot stay on the right path, Its really sick .

My Head right ,  I am completely freaking out. It's the mother of all freak-outs.  I've completely lost my voice. I talk to myself in the privacy of my head. “You love him”. “You love him”.  You always have. More than you've ever hated him. Every day, staring at this man, knowing every color and expression and nuance. Every game you've ever played has been to engage with him. Talk to him. Feel his eyes on you. To try to make him notice you. "I'm such an idiot," I breathe; I want him badly, I do everything for getting some attention. I talk deeply with my head, what should I do for get his heart. What should I do for me to connect with him. I’m freaky badly for being loving him as normal people, like being addicted, obsessed for Everything he doing.  I want to know what he is doingc what he is like, what he is favorite movie or love song.  Idk, I just want having connecting with him.  I Breathe; Again and Again. I think I was crazy now;

 You know what, when you love  someone, they become a part of who you are. They're in everything you do. They're in the air you breathe.  Their touch stays on your skin and their voice stays in your ears and their thoughts stay in your mind.  You know their dreams because their nightmares pierce your heart and their good dreams are your dreams too. And you don't think they're perfect, but you know their flaws, the deep-down truth of them, and the shadows of all their secrets, in fact you love them more for it, bcs you don't want perfect. You just want them.-“ Xo🍁

  I like to be mysterious to men who like me, but I become an ignorant woman when I am close to my male friends. why do women act according to their hearts and who is she with? does this also happen to men?  create a temporary character to get a beloved heart ?  please tell me the secret, so I can read his heart.

  I used to think I was introverted because I enjoyed being alone but it turns out I really like being at peace with myself and my surroundings & You all Guys must know I am extremely extroverted with people who bring me comfort and happiness  ( Just fyi haha) Sometimes I really miss to do Everything or Something like museum date, library date,  coffee shop date, Art gallery date, Walk in the park date, Sit in the car and eat mCd ? movie marathon date? plan shopping date? Yassss A date?????? Do I really need that activity ? 😅 Yes,  I want do this sometime, but when I want to started again I am so scare to start again  Bcs I'm Super clingy in a relationship. Like, I like my space but I want you in my space while I have my space. if that makes sense ?  A lot of people get things twisted when dealing with me. yes, I care very deeply but once I stop giving a fuck, good luck trying to make me give a fuck ever again… Wanna try ? Dating with girl extremly par...

  Does loving someone hurt like this?   This is crazy, ī am so crazy about you, ï feel like í am going to crazy, how should I overcome this one sided love ?   How should I pretend to be near him, his scent makes me want to be near him all da time! His red lips make me want to caress him, his hands are so strong that makes my heart beats faster than usual, until it crossed my mind that he caressed my body, and it feels like I really want to make him mine at this moment!   Oh God what is this crazy feeling?  is this what is called  Obsessions  ?  The word obsess  is very scary for me but I really enjoy when I'm around him, I will be able to make you love me even though you don't  “now”. just shut up and feel it.

  You are asked to follow your heart, to listen it, to hear it.  You are seeking the truth now. You are looking for that treasure inside of you, and you know that there's nowhere else to search for it.  You are exploring and expanding yourself now.  You are expanding your natural gifts and talents, and you are experimenting with a lot of things.  Some of us isolate to recharge and not everyone will understand that and it's okay to Spend that time in solitude and come back refreshed!! But you have Remember to not be too hard on yourself. Think about how far you've come, things you thought you wouldn't overcome you overcame. Remember certain friends don't deserve you. Remember to celebrate yourself!

  The more time goes by, the more I realize that my limit is only 2 years away to head 3, and at this age I am still confused about my life goals, I often wonder which path I should take.  I have to how I should do what I am very worried about my life in the future.     Want to know what I will be in 5 years?   what will I be?     Day after day I spent worrying,  I looked calm on the outside even though I was so messed up on the inside.   So many questions in my head, Can I live alone ?  do I need to be alone?  Am I ready alone?     Don't I need a life partner?  I'm fine on my own, but is it possible?     I was so selfish that I said I could live on my own.  Even though in reality humans cannot live alone! God gave me answers to all my questions, I just surrender to you bcs I no longer hope in humans.

  Fact about me I like to be different, I love butterflies until people called I'm the most butterfly, bcs I have butterfly tatto in my shoulder.  I love autumn leaves and dream of feeling it in autumn season one day, I can be a very fun person and be moody when disappointed, but don't worry, I can handle it and pretend I'm fine,  I can not speaking to anyone for days. I was a very loyal friend until I was betrayed but forgave her bcs I love her so much: I love to singing screaming while drive listening to  Lana Del Rey,  Olivia rodrigo , Selena Gomez, Sasa Sloan, Billie eilliesh, Cold play etc ., I like rainbow Ice cream from Pedelpop, I like the smell of roses , it's very sexy I think. I'm good at writing and composing stories and poetry, I like sushi-ramen-seafood. I love calculating because my career is financial accounting profession, I love random dates from dating apps and it's really fun because I love to make my heart flutter. there are many others if ...

  Meeting my first love at school, having my first kiss at his house, his lips are so sweet the taste of candy and mixed with the taste of cigarettes, makes me very addicted.    "C" introduced me to the goodness of first love but because I felt wasn't good enough for him, I finally chose to leave (because of my selfishness as a child who wants to be loved but doesn't know the meaning of love).  Finally in season 2 of entering high school I met a man who was very gentle and his treatment of me, he taught me the meaning of good communication with a partner, the meaning of mutual respect, But again I felt that I was not enough so this time I was very hurt and make him cried on my birthday very brutally, But Thank you "A" for introducing me to loyalty till the end.  Not long ago I continued with the man who accompanied me on my birthday namely Baby  "E" I met him at a music show I previously attended with my previous lover, he introduced me to the ou...

  5 years have passed, so many sweets and bitters of life I have gone through.  Long story short where 2 man came into my life..At that time I only approached him bcs my heart was hurting... But who would have thought I would love them so much. So I remember when I was traveling for vacation to Bali with my friends + my lover. Then my other lover followed me too. But beside I feel guilty, I also feel like a bad jerk in the world, how can I act as an affair, but I betrayed him so much. And At that time, Idk what to do, bcs my two lovers want some vacation together with me in same time. Then I have no choice, And I make it real with danger dealing. But everything went smoothly bcs of all my friends, thx boop❤️ I don't know why I really like challenges and the excitement makes me satisfied.  Where I came to both of them at the same time made my heart like a roller coaster!  After 5day my friend and my byfriend came home bcs they were done on vacation, but I stayed conti...

  Does love hurt so much ?  did you have to sacrifice so far?   why do most people still survive even though they have been hurt more than 3 times and can still survive?   What to hold on when you are not appreciated, does loving someone have to be that painful?  don't have happiness, happiness is taken from you and you don't deserve it. You know what!! You are strong woman, tough woman, independent woman whatever you can do, without man you being the strongest.  Then why do you still need a man who has no gratitude for having you?   why are you still standing beside him when you are no longer appreciated and no longer treated well? Why ?

May I be honest, our first and last kiss was very beautiful. why did God give the same feeling of fluttering when we first kissed although added tears when we kissed our last.  those memories are very clearly embedded in my mind, maybe I always trying make memories feel beautiful even though the reality is very bitter.  I don’t know for sure when it was never lost from my mind.

  Sometimes I ask myself when I'm in the mirror.   Do I deserve to be happy, do I deserve to be successful?   As long as I live 28 years   Why do I think I don’t deserve everything, when I don't have anything I want.   Is there something wrong with the way I live, the way I grow.   I really blamed myself.   Sometimes I don't know what to do   I want to give up   But considering I haven't achieved what I want, I back again so I don't give up.   I kno I deserve to be happy, I deserve what I want,   God, please strengthen my heart so that I can obey what you command.   And I want to be happy, make myself and my mother happy. Just it 🍁

  When you're wondering if loving someone was worth it, ask yourself this! If you could go back in time, if you could do it all over again?   Will you choose that person, will you choose that hope, knowing that you will also choose that wound?   Knowing that at one point in time, you had to survive their loss, the ache of missing ? Are you still taking risks for them?   Do you still love them?   Did you still stay up until 4am with them on the night you met , letting yourself fall?   Do you still forgive and believe;  will you still make memories, will you still give them a home in your heart?  See, if the answer is no, then maybe what you have isn't love;  maybe it's a lesson.   But if your answer is yes, then ah-don't hesitate if it's worth it.  Don't make it less beautiful in your mind, don't turn it into something you choose to forget.   You had something worth fighting for. 🍁

 It's a funny feeling,  The state when your feelings are not well received, the state when you don't have more intentions but he responds excessively. I admire him only that much, I want to be his best,  I want to get to know him well, but his response is too much and it disappoints me, his attitude that has turned so cold makes me feel bad for him, am I wrong, am I exaggerating?  Why doesn't a man just say when he's uncomfortable, turning cold in my opinion is not a solution.   It just makes things worse and it's very awkward and confusing.  With this now I'm even more careful of him and of everyone else... 🍁

  When I'm with you, I act different.  In a  good way of course. I smile more and laugh more. I don't have to pretend everything is okay when it's really not. With you, I can drop the fake smile and put on a real one. I don't feel hurt and alone when I'm with you. Instead, I feel safe and loved. You're easy to talk to, and you listen to me. I don't have to worry about holding back with you. I don't feel self conscious. I don't ever feel insecure or sad. You show me that you really do care, and you're not just pretending. I really appreciate your company, bcs with you I'm different.  Sometimes I  want do the some things with you, I want you to play with  my hair while we watch movie, I want you to hug me in the middle of my job's,  I want share everything good and bad things, I want  you to play my favorite song when I look sad. I want you to do these things without having to think about them. And I want you do them bcs you love me. Can yo...

    After many years after that incident. In the 2rd year, you finally have the guts to contact me again, I don't know what that means, for sure I'm no longer interested in serving you dude. You already know, when I already hate someone, then I'll clear them completely from my life, pretend they didn't exist & never came. And now what I'm doing to you! #That's what I always instilled when I grew up Until the time you beg to come back to me, nd I don't care at all. bcs it is a very painful form of disappointment.You know what type of person I am when you make me down ? I’ll immediately disappear and will not give you access to contact me, not even a single loophole. … You know, people say 🗯 until now why "you are still looking for me" and "I still feels hurt" they said. "There s still an unfinished story". but I don't think so even though the wound you planted in my heart will always be remembered. Remember when I was al...

  I don't know why someone needs validation after being left, needs some statement or apology ?   maybe the way those who have left apologizing will soothe?    but for what ?    what do you need that confession for, why are you looking for him back, even though your heart knows you don't want it, you hate him, but why do you really need his apology after just leaving, will you feel relieved when he apologizes, do you    will sleep well after that?   To you :  Right now, you’ll never know how I feel;   what i've been through all this time It’s been years since I’ve heard from you, and I had lost my hopes at that time and  What I want is for you to come and tell me where I need to go and anything is up wrong    ? so that I can sleep in peace fully at least just one night, bcs I haven't in two years. You know what as long as I held on when you knocked me down until now I'm still holding on,  A bad and good thin...

 No one knows   That all this time I was stressed that it was almost crazy.    I told them what I was going through, they just responded normally, although I really need them now:    I'm so stressed that my hair is falling out so much, I feel like I want cutting it until (………..)    but I'm still trying to endure and be patient.    What I have felt for the past few months is very painful, failure after failure I have experienced, I feels like always failure in every ways.    God what should I do.. Sorry  when I don't feel grateful    I know when I want to do something you don't like,  there are always obstacles.    Thank God, I know you love me very much.    But please give me a way out.    On the outside I am like a happy person, even though I feel excruciating pain.    Help me get rid of all this pain.    Help me, so that I always do good things, make everyo...

  Lately so many people around me are unwell.    I was sad to see them sad and disappointed, I couldn't help but cheer them on.   I know you can, you can get through it, bcs you always go through things like this, don't you?    Yes you have to get through it bcs as usual you can!    I'm sure a lot of people complain of wanting to fall and then give up, but considering the purpose, the enthusiasm comes back again.    You know?    Life isn't always about finding yourself, it's also about making yourself into something.    And happiness is not always about what you want, happiness is what you are grateful for what you have.     It's okay if you're not okay, enjoy your time and rest for a while..     It's okay if you want to cry when what's in your head is about to explode..    But after that, you have to smile again.

  This is life.  People will screw you over. You'll fight with your family. You'll blame new lovers for things old lovers did. You'll lose best friends you thought would always be there..  You'll come to realize that everyone has a past.  You'll cry, you'll laugh, and you'll embarrass yourself.  But then,  you'll find your very own moment where none of that matters; where you can sit back and realize that crap happens to the people who can handle it and that this is who you are, and that no one should want to change you,  including yourself.  🍁🦋

When you that's had a rough week.  The you that doesn't know how much longer you can hold on. The you that has lost faith.  The you that always blames yourself for everything that goes wrong. To you.  You are incredible.  You make this world a little bit more wonderful.  You have so much potential and so many things left to do. You have time. Better things are coming to your way, so please hang in there. You can do it.

1. What's the one thing you would like to change about yourself? 2. Are you religious or spiritual? 3. What kind of parent do you think you will be? 4. Are you confrontational? 5. When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush? 6. What's your favorite hobby to do alone? 7. What would your best friend say is your best quality? 8. What or who would you sacrifice your life for? 9. What lies do you most often tell yourself? 10. What do you hope you grow out of? 11. What belief do you have that most people disagree with? 12. What dumb thing did you believe for a really long time? 13. What brings you the most joy in life? 14. When was the last time you really panicked? 15. When and where did you go on your first date ever? 16. What is a controversial opinion do you have? 17. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? 18. What do you think-can enemies be friends? 19. Do you lose your temper easily? 20. What is something that you've never told anyone? 21. What is your biggest re...

Consciously or not he is the source of my current happiness. Bcs just by seeing him every day I'm already happy.     When passing through my room, needing things that are in my room, providing information and many other things that are always being done around me makes me happy. I don't know what's on my mind. why suddenly i want to tell him what i am doing and what i see, what i like. Send you a picture message that I like. Share whatever makes happy. I share everything to him With aliby  ( I just share some happiness ) 😂 Even though I know all this means nothing to him. …     My heart really messed when I'm around him, but I know he doesn't feel what I feel, it's okay for me even though you like him doesn't mean you have make him yours. P.s But Luck when you like someone and like you back

Hi how are you guys, it's feels been a long time not writing here. Yes, maybe because I'm busy with my jobs.  Let's get started…  I am now 28 years old and according to my family's customs, if you are not married now, it is too late. 😄  But don't worry I'm not too worried bcs I want to really enjoy my time right now.  There were so many people around me who didn't enjoy their time at that time, so they couldn't cope with their time in marriage.  I see a lot of household experiences of people around me that have so many problems, even though I know it's a risk in marriage lyfe .   Sometimes I ask if I believe in marriage, am I ready?  Do I have to do it?  So many questions in my head that it felt like it was going to explode.  Sometimes I think (If I get married, it means I'm ready to let go of my identity, and life live as someone else)  Am I wrong to have such thoughts, that's what scares me, maybe not prepared.  That's why I real...