let go with pain..

On the way to your place, you know I almost left bc I knew what would happen next if I met you. but somehow my steps continued to be directed at you hard without stopping at all, my doubts disappeared my courage peaked bc I would meet my beloved. the welcome from your sweet smile really touched my heart, the way you talk, the way you calm me down when I'm jealous, you're not a man who talks a lot, but you do a lot without me asking without me saying what I want. that night we chatted spending time until morning with light chat to heavy chat, I told you about myself and you told me about yourself, how happy that time was in my life. we drowned in time without realizing it was already 6 am, you woke up from your sleep after being tired of our conversation, and suddenly I complained that my stomach felt so nauseous, besides he felt the same way, he offered to make me tea that would relieve my nausea. a simple thing right, but I really felt his love at that time. I never thought that it was our first meeting and would be our last meeting bc after that meeting we decided to part ways. not many reasons maybe bc we have the same fear, plus the experiences around us that make us so afraid to live a committed life, Even though we wanted to be together, we knew it would never work, and somehow he was so complicated, I never understood what was in his heart, and neither did I. not because we can't make a commitment but the fear is so great that it beats everything. I understand he can't start a commitment yet, and I'm not ready for all the possibilities that will happen in our relationship, because I'm afraid of fights, affairs, lies and all the possibilities that haven't happened in our relationship. there are so many things we're afraid of, and I understand that. so I never force what's not my will. I let him go with pain, I let him go with sincerity and hope we will find our own happiness even though yesterday we spent time together, without me realizing today I have become a stranger to him.

***

Comments

Painkiller

These few days I don't cry much, we don't even cryyyyyyyy, finally! :’ (mean me and mom) Because I have the antidote, I have the medicine for all mypain, he changes my day he turns my cold heart into a little warmer. I don't know how he came into my life? I certainly thank to God, for providing the antidote Soooo on time! ;) Even though I was tough at first and didn't want to recognize him but who would have thought that now he has become a part of my day I'm so grateful to have someone who keeps me safe and can heal my wound even just a little... But, I wouldn't expect more from him, because I already know how it feels when having hope on someone and it will hurt's ... I'll let it flow as it is and I am very happy & bliss when he accepting me for who I am The only thing I'm grateful for now is having him by my side I hope I'm not depedent to having him around me Bcsa, I'm so afraid of being addicted to him ( around me ).

A comfort zone

What should I do ? so many dreams that I have to achieve, but why am I still here in this small town? why am I so afraid of getting out of my comfort zone, why is it so hard to leave her alone again, but I have to move, I have to be something, I have to work to make her happy: give me a way out, time and a sense of God's spirit, I don't want everything I've done to be in vain. let's make something, let's be something! ❤️‍🔥

'' Heart and Mind "

Rely on the heart on your mind... In fact, what is in the mind doesn't always match what is in the heart? The heart always struggles with logic where the two are always contradictory. I tend not to think when things are complicated. Sometimes things don't go the way they want. So don't be too hard to drain yourself, sometimes it's not bad to go with your heart and go with the flow. still, we have to be careful because sometimes humans can't overcome their instincts by nature. for that, there is no cure for stupidity.

Let it go ♾

Finally God gave me a quick answer. That is my doubts about him.. Because when I doubt, I choose to not. So far I've been trying talk to him and want to know how much he love me while I’m gone. Anddd When I try, he really let me go, Actually he didn't try to keep me by his side. I don't know why, even though he said he love me, I think it's really just a lie. But I was ready for this reality, bcs I didn't want to play the game. So I quit, I give up and planned to just focus on my life and my mental health. In the end of our conversation he said “I love you” I was very suprised to hear that, bcs he never told me even just once. And it’s priceless for me. But why did he say “he love me” when we broke up. I don’t know what its means? And once again he said “We may not looking each other now but I hope you know you can still call me if you ever need anything” With all the words he said. why he so dignity for some beg, just saying I want to be with you, m...

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Some people in this world are born rich at a young age even at birth. There are also those who have to fight tooth and nail to become rich even from birth: Yes, I am a category 2 human being , I have to fight tooth and nail for my life and make my parents happy. But wait once upon a time… Before I struggled, my mother struggled for 25 years to support her 4 children because she was left by her husband, before that mom life was very happy bcs father had everything and we all lived very complete lives, but after my father died, everything changes, father asset and all we have lost bcs something happen; and my mother began to struggle desperately alone for I lived 25 years! Until finally after I graduated from school the struggle passed on to me and my other sister’s, and my mother's persistence was passed on to her daughters~ For whatever reason now I am willing to do anything. we can live happier❤️ … Next; I always have positive happiness mant...

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