A radar that I can always reach--

My escape attempts were not always successful. Many times I declared surrender but always met. How can I get away when you on my radar that I can always reach, on that road in the same place I always accidentally see you with your distinctive smile and your grimacing face under the hot sun. I feel like want screaming calling you like I usually do. But this time I just let you pass by. Letting you fade like dust in my sight. Sometimes you realize you see me walking in front of you, but you pretend to be indifferent as if you don't recognize me. because I know you are also trying to forget me. How torturous it is, many times I am broken holding back longing, many times I am angry fighting loneliness, because I am never ready for all possibilities because forgetting you isn't my goal, and it was never in my plan, I thought after we went through a beautiful night and spent time together until it was dark, my story would succeed and would go well, like Romeo and Juliet who fought to stay together until the end of their lives, but I know that beautiful story is only for them, not mine. After that night's conversation we became strangers, isn't it funny that I misinterpreted the feelings he gave. For years I was fooled by his softness, I was fooled by his face that was so calming. Many times I gave up on my story, but when I woke up the next day my love grew bigger and I didn't want to let him go, but I always held back my love from fading and hoped it wouldn't explode in front of him, afraid that he would see my weakness and he would control me more. Then I moved as far away as possible so that you could never reach me again, even though this was one of the most suffocating and painful paths, but I knew it would lead me to happiness and peace at the end of my story, so I beg you if you read this, please never come back or show your face in front of me, even though by any coincidence I hope that coincidence never exists.