Met in the chaotic-

I have written countless poems and stories about you in books, heart and my mind. However, I am still afraid to love, I am still not ready, I am still shackled by doubts and fears that haunt my mind. The world I live in now is so dark and quiet, but after meeting you in this strange place, everything turned colorful. For weeks, every night I wondered, is this a sign that I should start over what I buried 6 years ago? You have been asking this all this time, haven't you? I also don't know why it took me so long. However, I am not someone who falls in love easily, but your sleepy warm eyes always make me drift away in them. I always remember the first time we met in the middle of the darkness and the crowd, your eyes and mine met then we were stuck for a long time, your eyes and the little smile you gave left a deep impression on my heart. 





You make a move first, and I feel butterflies flying around me, I can't get rid of those beautiful butterflies from my sight. Everything feels so bright, you have been imprinted in my heart all this time, and so have I. However, I am afraid, I am always afraid to start something that will make a change, give me the courage to surrender my heart to you, if you’re the one meant for me. Right now, I am on a big run in my life, I disappear from everyone, even with those closest to me. I feel like I want to recover from the mess I have created, but the mess feels like it will never get better. However, with your presence, everything becomes calmer, which is actually very difficult. I continue to endure the pain and try to recover quickly, although nothing is easy, never easy, but I have to try, right? If I haven’t recovered, I will never open my heart to anyone, not because of anyone, but because the cause of the wound is myself who has planted it all this time. However, lately you have become a light in the midst of my darkness, I am still in chaos, and you are trying to enter my world. I feel this is unfair to you, and this will not go well because my world is so chaotic. Sorry, it doesn't feel like the right time, I'm not sure about myself because you stand so bright in your place, you are so beautiful and shining and it is the right place for you, enough to light up your life. Stay where you are. Don't run to me, wait and when the time comes, when you haven't found the one you love yet, then I will run to you and give you my whole season for you.

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