I WIN, Right ?

 I'm here struggling to forget him. Keeping his shadow away, throwing away the hopes that always on in my mind. Every day when I want to forget him, his shadow, memories of him and all the things I went through with him, it just keeps passing by, the more I want to hate him, the more I love him. but I will try harder to forget. Why does everything become more complicated when I want to throw away everything about him. I blame myself, did I do something wrong that made him won't be with me, the fact that he made me stay away from him. I wondering why I can't make him love me more, but then again I think I deserve a love that wants me, the universe has given me a clue that he is not the person who deserve me. All I can do now is I've to return that great effort and love for myself, not for him anymore. So now I've lost him but I found myself completely again, so in this story, I win. right?