Most painful lovb

I don't know where to start tidying up everything that's broken and messy, my decision to meet him and choose him to be the last in my life turned out to be wrong, why this time my guess wasn’t right, everything became a mistake and became a regret. If only I hadn't met him at that time, then hope would never have existed, and the meeting would never have happened. I really swear this is the most painful love compared to my relationship that has ended for 5 years. Because in my relationship this time he is really a softest man with everything he does. I never had a feeling he would be bad to me, in fact it never happened, he was always sweet when he was with me. This time, What I have to do to heal my heart that has just recovered from old wounds. This is really painful, while it seems like the universe is celebrating my suffering, every day after I let you go, the rain has never stopped drop for the past few days. also for the past few days I have been waiting for news from him, and still have hope for him that I feel he will contact me and apologize for his words. but i realized, he never came he never texted me again, that means there is no more love to fight for. that means he doesn't want me in his life. i realized all this time i had my own feelings. how could he look like he really loves me, his smile, his gaze, his hugs even very sincerely to me. usually i can handle a loss well, but why does this time feel so painful, usually i just disappear and cut off contact between me and him so he can never see me at all i won't give him a chance to know how i am, but why this time i want him to know that i'm not okay, it feels like there is still a chance between us, and i want my friends and his friends to know my condition, i want to tell the world that i'm not okay. i'm tired i need someone who loves me for who i am, which i thought he was but not anymore. i was wrong again, but god i really want it, can we ? I curious about his feeling right now, I curious about what he feeling about me, i have so many questions but i feel there is no more chance for us to be together, bcs i don't want to force and fight alone, it's very tiring. And you have to know that if you want us back and try again and fix our relationship, i’ll be here, i’ll be waiting for you.

I know that at my age, it's no longer my time to think about feelings of love and heartache, but why do things like that always surround me even when I avoid them. Idk why, I just tiring rn.

Comments

Painkiller

These few days I don't cry much, we don't even cryyyyyyyy, finally! :’ (mean me and mom) Because I have the antidote, I have the medicine for all mypain, he changes my day he turns my cold heart into a little warmer. I don't know how he came into my life? I certainly thank to God, for providing the antidote Soooo on time! ;) Even though I was tough at first and didn't want to recognize him but who would have thought that now he has become a part of my day I'm so grateful to have someone who keeps me safe and can heal my wound even just a little... But, I wouldn't expect more from him, because I already know how it feels when having hope on someone and it will hurt's ... I'll let it flow as it is and I am very happy & bliss when he accepting me for who I am The only thing I'm grateful for now is having him by my side I hope I'm not depedent to having him around me Bcsa, I'm so afraid of being addicted to him ( around me ).

A comfort zone

What should I do ? so many dreams that I have to achieve, but why am I still here in this small town? why am I so afraid of getting out of my comfort zone, why is it so hard to leave her alone again, but I have to move, I have to be something, I have to work to make her happy: give me a way out, time and a sense of God's spirit, I don't want everything I've done to be in vain. let's make something, let's be something! ❤️‍🔥

'' Heart and Mind "

Rely on the heart on your mind... In fact, what is in the mind doesn't always match what is in the heart? The heart always struggles with logic where the two are always contradictory. I tend not to think when things are complicated. Sometimes things don't go the way they want. So don't be too hard to drain yourself, sometimes it's not bad to go with your heart and go with the flow. still, we have to be careful because sometimes humans can't overcome their instincts by nature. for that, there is no cure for stupidity.

Let it go ♾

Finally God gave me a quick answer. That is my doubts about him.. Because when I doubt, I choose to not. So far I've been trying talk to him and want to know how much he love me while I’m gone. Anddd When I try, he really let me go, Actually he didn't try to keep me by his side. I don't know why, even though he said he love me, I think it's really just a lie. But I was ready for this reality, bcs I didn't want to play the game. So I quit, I give up and planned to just focus on my life and my mental health. In the end of our conversation he said “I love you” I was very suprised to hear that, bcs he never told me even just once. And it’s priceless for me. But why did he say “he love me” when we broke up. I don’t know what its means? And once again he said “We may not looking each other now but I hope you know you can still call me if you ever need anything” With all the words he said. why he so dignity for some beg, just saying I want to be with you, m...

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