🍁 Last Autumn, Little Butterfly 🦋

  I want you. I really want you. More than you'll ever know.   You're the only person who ever made me feel this way.  I've been hoping in the beginning But I know we can't be together now. I still want to see your smile. I still want to be the reason you smile. I still want to see you and respect you And I still want to help you at your lowest point.    I want you to think of me everyday like I think of you.  I still want you to hug me and tell me that everything will be okay and I want to believe in you.   I still want to do stupid things together.   I don't want to be afraid to show the real me. I don't want you to be afraid to show me the real you. I want to see the sunrise and sunset together.   I want to stay up all night laughing with you.   I really want to be with you and I want you to feel the same way.   But most of all I know its just a dream now. 🍁

I don't know what made me want to write this,  I guess bcs I miss you.   But I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me.   I look at you like you put the stars in the sky.   well you are my star.   You know what  seeing you give me butterflies,  hearing your voice give me butterflies,  Everythin you do give me butterflies, I love you like crazy.   I have never felt this much love for anyone.    Oh Man,  I just want to be able to stay up late and watch movies and cuddle with you everyday.   I want you to play video games and I just sit on your lap while you play them. I don’t know I just want you🦋

  Leave.   Don't allow yourself to feel comfortable in a space where you know you deserve better.   Love is not to hurt.  Love is not meant to be given minimally.   Love doesn't require you to be colder, or less emotional, or less of yourself, in order for you to be worthy to meet you.   Love chooses you.  In good, and in bad.  It's not nearly a thing.   It's not something you should ask for.   It's not something you have to constantly struggle with, something that is always a source of pain and confusion and hurt.   There is power in letting go of whatever is forcing you to let go of yourself.   Don't ignore what you know in your heart. Just leave. 

  Sunday - I'd rather be at home alone or with a good book and lovely mother. but now that you here, I wonder who you are. You seem to give charm to everyone you meet.  You did it so perfectly - quiet politeness, genuine friendliness, genuine unromantic poses. That's good, Very good. Before I was scared in fact you already in marriege lyfe, but you tell me in this mornin’ that you already done with your marriage lyfe ( Mean; Divorce ) And Its calm me down. Hi I'm sorry for looking directly at you,  but Its me, nd I do see everyone like this.   You have very strong personal power, so do I.  I think it's time for us to meet.  You may want me to explain myself.  Forget it.  I have a bullet-proof heart, and no one can go through it without my permission.   I didn't give up anything.  Not at all.  One of my secret pleasures is influencing the minds and souls of others, while I remain invisible to them.   In fact, I prefer it when ...

  Fish love luxury and fantasy.   She likes class things one.   Kidnap her to stay at a  four-star hotel, or at least a four-star restaurant.   Make sure dinner will last at least 2 hours…   Try the Japanese banquet,  where the two of you are endlessly served delicious food in a separate room for hours on end.   You can always give her some expensive champagne -   Pisces adores water and it has to do with all things liquid.   In fact, anything water related can be a great idea.   A small shower for the porch of the house, or a picnic with the full moon by the sea or near a lake would be great fun.  Or surprise her with a few nights of warm baths, where you show up in skimpy clothes,  with a drink still bubbling, and with a sweetest massage of his tired muscles with rubbing oil.  Balsam was what needed to dispel the winds of life that had blown against her with mighty gusts ;D Xo🍁

  Instruction .   Autumn need a sense of security and the permanence  of you, and the feelings you know where your destination is going.   But her attitude make you blind.   sHe will ask you wrote a “ novel ”, but then she would no matter how little and it will be published every year. ( yas that a real joke ). Silly her a dreamer , so she’s expect to much to people. Again; p.S.   - sHe can be casual, ah so casual.  Put a stop to that nonsense, and let she know that now-you-see me, now-you-not, isn't love play fun?

  More than any star, Autumn girl ( A  Pisces girl ) wants to be understood.   Show your intuition as high as possible and adapt to the uniqueness of this girl in all forms of life. sHe won't describe herself As a passive person, her is just a simple energy conversation.   And press- cool spective, - in terms of feelings, that's how it is. she's so simple in a gentle way you can get her, Why do all that effort? Let's sit in the back row and watch everyone else go crazy over it.  if you don't want to be a spectator then move! get his heart:

Marry ? I think, She didn't like the idea.   Well, maybe yes   If you're a sensual man, very assertive, with a sense of adventure that can infuse her with ' Purpose.'  But really, W hy bother her with the wedding?   Why not just be together, If she really had to, she would look for someone who was very sensitive, gentle, dreamy, wise, and financially stable.   In other words, like her ideal self.

  You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you're doing, where you are, who you're with, and if you're OK.  You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and who can protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws.  You should be with someone who can make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy. Happy on ur own life. 🌶️🍁

  Again I feel my life is useless, its no use for me in this world, feels like I want disappear from this world, what should i do to make my soul better, everytime i break down i feel like i want to die, What I have to do?   It hurts, it hurts so much, no one knows this pain, it may not be visible, it may be considered normal, even though I feel so much pain that I feel like dying.   Tightness, it feels very tight in the chest,  should I give up?   yes i want to die because i feel my life is a failure, why i haven't achieved what i want, when will i get to that point?  Forgive me god i am not fine rn, god please help me fot stay on the right path, Its really sick .

My Head right ,  I am completely freaking out. It's the mother of all freak-outs.  I've completely lost my voice. I talk to myself in the privacy of my head. “You love him”. “You love him”.  You always have. More than you've ever hated him. Every day, staring at this man, knowing every color and expression and nuance. Every game you've ever played has been to engage with him. Talk to him. Feel his eyes on you. To try to make him notice you. "I'm such an idiot," I breathe; I want him badly, I do everything for getting some attention. I talk deeply with my head, what should I do for get his heart. What should I do for me to connect with him. I’m freaky badly for being loving him as normal people, like being addicted, obsessed for Everything he doing.  I want to know what he is doingc what he is like, what he is favorite movie or love song.  Idk, I just want having connecting with him.  I Breathe; Again and Again. I think I was crazy now;

 You know what, when you love  someone, they become a part of who you are. They're in everything you do. They're in the air you breathe.  Their touch stays on your skin and their voice stays in your ears and their thoughts stay in your mind.  You know their dreams because their nightmares pierce your heart and their good dreams are your dreams too. And you don't think they're perfect, but you know their flaws, the deep-down truth of them, and the shadows of all their secrets, in fact you love them more for it, bcs you don't want perfect. You just want them.-“ Xo🍁

  I like to be mysterious to men who like me, but I become an ignorant woman when I am close to my male friends. why do women act according to their hearts and who is she with? does this also happen to men?  create a temporary character to get a beloved heart ?  please tell me the secret, so I can read his heart.

  I used to think I was introverted because I enjoyed being alone but it turns out I really like being at peace with myself and my surroundings & You all Guys must know I am extremely extroverted with people who bring me comfort and happiness  ( Just fyi haha) Sometimes I really miss to do Everything or Something like museum date, library date,  coffee shop date, Art gallery date, Walk in the park date, Sit in the car and eat mCd ? movie marathon date? plan shopping date? Yassss A date?????? Do I really need that activity ? 😅 Yes,  I want do this sometime, but when I want to started again I am so scare to start again  Bcs I'm Super clingy in a relationship. Like, I like my space but I want you in my space while I have my space. if that makes sense ?  A lot of people get things twisted when dealing with me. yes, I care very deeply but once I stop giving a fuck, good luck trying to make me give a fuck ever again… Wanna try ? Dating with girl extremly par...

  Does loving someone hurt like this?   This is crazy, ī am so crazy about you, ï feel like í am going to crazy, how should I overcome this one sided love ?   How should I pretend to be near him, his scent makes me want to be near him all da time! His red lips make me want to caress him, his hands are so strong that makes my heart beats faster than usual, until it crossed my mind that he caressed my body, and it feels like I really want to make him mine at this moment!   Oh God what is this crazy feeling?  is this what is called  Obsessions  ?  The word obsess  is very scary for me but I really enjoy when I'm around him, I will be able to make you love me even though you don't  “now”. just shut up and feel it.

  You are asked to follow your heart, to listen it, to hear it.  You are seeking the truth now. You are looking for that treasure inside of you, and you know that there's nowhere else to search for it.  You are exploring and expanding yourself now.  You are expanding your natural gifts and talents, and you are experimenting with a lot of things.  Some of us isolate to recharge and not everyone will understand that and it's okay to Spend that time in solitude and come back refreshed!! But you have Remember to not be too hard on yourself. Think about how far you've come, things you thought you wouldn't overcome you overcame. Remember certain friends don't deserve you. Remember to celebrate yourself!

  The more time goes by, the more I realize that my limit is only 2 years away to head 3, and at this age I am still confused about my life goals, I often wonder which path I should take.  I have to how I should do what I am very worried about my life in the future.     Want to know what I will be in 5 years?   what will I be?     Day after day I spent worrying,  I looked calm on the outside even though I was so messed up on the inside.   So many questions in my head, Can I live alone ?  do I need to be alone?  Am I ready alone?     Don't I need a life partner?  I'm fine on my own, but is it possible?     I was so selfish that I said I could live on my own.  Even though in reality humans cannot live alone! God gave me answers to all my questions, I just surrender to you bcs I no longer hope in humans.