🍁 Last Autumn, Little Butterfly 🦋

   

  How do I explain it, just to describe my feelings, sometimes I still have difficulties, Now I don't recognize my feelings, where this old heart ‘ll take me, where will this feeling take me while there is a soul that hasn’t been touched by feelings for a long time. My current situation makes me confused, I'm waiting where fate will takes me. To be honest, I'm tired of believing in fate. But once again I will believe after I failed in my first hope, the funny thing is that now I'm not young anymore but I still talk about feelings and love, that's embarrassing isn't it? but what exactly should I be ashamed of. Even other people who are much older than me still love many people, and even their start journey of love. And yes, this is my path, so I'm just enjoying it. If I see other people luckier than me, I just calm myself and make my heart calm with "It's okay if your happiness is a little late, maybe you have a slower time than others, maybe your ro...

  I will always love him a little, but he has stopped loving me. It turns out he was the one whose love faded first, what's annoying is that even now I always love him, it seems like inside me there will always be a story for him. I don't know why lately I always dream about him, and he is always on my mind in all my activities. At first glance I thought I wanted to go back to him, I was sure I wanted to have his heart completely and make his love always grow for me. But it turns out everything isn’t as simple as I wanted. He has changed now, changed a lot. Until I hesitate to keep it in my heart anymore. So now I believe in words. “Sometimes people change to grow in different ways. Maybe that doesn't mean we stop loving each other. It's just that now he and I have different goals. '' and it's as real as what's happening to me right now. I have given up my love and let it fade with time.

  Thank you God for giving birth to me into this mortal world, this world is sometimes beautiful and sometimes dark. but whatever happens, I am very grateful to have been given the opportunity to develop according to Your scenario. Every time I wake up I am grateful that I am still given this very decent and sufficient life, grateful that I am still given breath, grateful that I can still use my hands and feet, and my eyes to see beautiful and real things in this world.  Today I am 30 years old. entering the 3rd phase of my life to live your new scenario every day. Sometimes I want to give up but remembering that there are still many whose lives are sadder than mine, I am grateful for what you have given me. Thank you for giving me strength all this time, thank you for teaching me many meanings in this world, I am starting to accept all your destiny for me, but I will try whatever I try now. I will try not to complain too much, not be too angry at fate that is not according to...

IN SILENCE, IN PEACE. Even though on this journey of life I have received various forms of wounds, I was able to get through them well, even though my journey to reach this point was not easy, I and my wounds have managed to get through it. And until whenever my old wounds and new wounds will accompany me on my journey until the end of my life, even though these wounds really don't heal and disappear, I will live my life well and better, for the wounds. Thank you for accompanying me in the process of my blooming. One thing that I will not forget, I will never lose my gratitude for having been given peace at this time. Love and hate united at one time taught me many things and about getting hurt made me a person who can simplify all kinds of wounds. After understanding the meaning of simplicity in doing everything. I have become more open about myself and accept myself humbly, I have let go of the things that make me sick. Even now, the pain from my old wounds remains. But I still e...

  After I finished work and I was alone in silence on the terrace of my room with a cup of coffee that I was enjoying until it was finished, for some reason every time I was lost in daydreams it always made me realize that the world couldn't give me what I wanted. Somentimes I shed tears when complaining about life being unfair to me. Is it okay for me to act like this ? I know it's not good, but sometimes I think the way the world works doesn't always work well for me/. I'm tired of my pain, my way of looking for a way out of problems that always come to me, always only I can find a way out. Every problem I face feels heavy and sometimes I don't find a solution to the problem I face. But sometimes not finding a solution is a solution, those words make me confused. Sometimes it feels like I want to lean on someone but around me there is no one I can rely on other than myself. I'm tired, I'm tired, I want to give up, but considering I've come this far, I ...

In my dream I ran along the river following your scent which left a trail that never disappeared. how should I face this loss with my unpreparedness. Do we really have to prepare for loss? I wondering why there are always separations without permission or warning. does it have to be made this dramatic and painful? it felt really piercing in the pit of my stomach. I was never ready to lose, and to lose another loss, I'm sure my feelings are the same as others. Is there a better way for sincerity than the burning anger after experiencing an unpreparedness to part? Why are things in this world always unfair to my story? will there be any reward after this pain? Will justice come afterward? I'm sure beautiful things will come after the storm, but I feel like I've been waited too long, I feel tired of masking like a clown and pleasing everyone, in fact all that surrounds me is only darkness and sadness, I know it's not good to follow my heart's instincts to just get carr...

  I don't know when it all started and this just happened, one thing I know. Men like you aren’t very interested in love. I don't know what you have been through in your love life in the past, what is certain is that your intention now is just to live your life and fulfill your needs to live. a man who doesn't like commitment and thinks he can't be in a relationship because there are things he can't decide for himself/how naive you are. he is the man who currently entered the world of games in love and chose me as a prisoner in his game, which I don't think will work out well for him, because I always know how a story like this will end. who knows when the game will end but things get serious when everything he wants doesn't go according to his plan, one thing he has to know, I was never interested in your damn game, I've been through various kinds of love in the last few years and I know how to face it? he is a manipulative man, disguised as a man who l...

  It feels like there will be no end when I discuss the issue of love, because for some people love is a pleasant thing, but on the other side there are also those who consider love to be just a game and filler for stories and life's journey in the world. Maybe for me, who was entering the teenage phase at that time, love was very exciting and just for fun. At that time I was still in my 20s, but when it came to love, I felt like I had experienced various forms of love. I mean love from my family and those closest to me. But when it comes to teenage love, for some reason from the beginning of puberty I wasn't very interested in love, at that time I felt strange, I thought, 'Is there something wrong with me? ''My friends always say I'm just pretending and only appealing to men's feelings, but what I feel is that I don't feel anything. I kept asking what was wrong with me. But when I remembered, the reason was that my mother always repeated the same words ...