What should I do, I'm losing my identity more and more. As time went on, I didn't know what to do. It feels like something wrong. Will I be able to be a real person, neither gray nor black? It feels like every day I lose more and more myself. This day after the rain there should be a rainbow in the afternoon which always looks beautiful, but today everything looks sad and ashes.
—What does this mean ?
That's mean I failed again in train my senses? Oh God, I did well, but always failed—
Oh, My Friends Said; They often say that I take life too seriously and don't enjoy it bcs of my old wounds that haven't dried yet. Bcs I didn't treat the wounds well. Come on, Lets Go out to find a new atmosphere, retrain your senses.
So this time I listened to them...
I started to train my senses until I met new people, I became very close to strangers, Bcs before they said I looked so dead. then what happened after this, still felt the same, my feelings never grew as beautiful as before, when I started my first and second love... now if I feels butterfly in my chest, suddenly It’ll just disappear ( Mean; Numb ) bcs ya,, My heart is empty. Don't ask me why, bcs I don't have the answer either.
Idk, how far I've stumbling in training myself, but there still no results... now I'm in my daydreams and think I'll just continue and live my life without thinking about someone in the future, Bcs in the end of my life I only survive on myself, For my self;
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