Déjà vu

Feelin’ Déjà vu when I'm with him.

Sometime it hurts me. But I try my best for always beside him.

And After I dared to open my heart, why ? it’s still the same.

Am I too scared or do I always get things like this ?

I thought this was a very trivial thing, but somehow, I still felt unwanted. Bcs the way he treats me.

I always thought why I stayed but he never felt proud to have me by his side.

Maybe he thought I was exaggerating but for me this is a very deep trauma.

Please understand me.

After months of not seeing each other

Finally we met, he came to my new place.

He always comes with a sweet smile and warm hug.

I am really enjoyed to being his side, he makes me feel comfortable, but I don't know what made me think he was such a manipulative person.

So I don't know what to do if I'm near him.

I know I think this way makes him look like an asshole just because of my trauma.

Rrrhhhhh God please guide me what should I do.

Comments

Painkiller

These few days I don't cry much, we don't even cryyyyyyyy, finally! :’ (mean me and mom) Because I have the antidote, I have the medicine for all mypain, he changes my day he turns my cold heart into a little warmer. I don't know how he came into my life? I certainly thank to God, for providing the antidote Soooo on time! ;) Even though I was tough at first and didn't want to recognize him but who would have thought that now he has become a part of my day I'm so grateful to have someone who keeps me safe and can heal my wound even just a little... But, I wouldn't expect more from him, because I already know how it feels when having hope on someone and it will hurt's ... I'll let it flow as it is and I am very happy & bliss when he accepting me for who I am The only thing I'm grateful for now is having him by my side I hope I'm not depedent to having him around me Bcsa, I'm so afraid of being addicted to him ( around me ).

A comfort zone

What should I do ? so many dreams that I have to achieve, but why am I still here in this small town? why am I so afraid of getting out of my comfort zone, why is it so hard to leave her alone again, but I have to move, I have to be something, I have to work to make her happy: give me a way out, time and a sense of God's spirit, I don't want everything I've done to be in vain. let's make something, let's be something! ❤️‍🔥

'' Heart and Mind "

Rely on the heart on your mind... In fact, what is in the mind doesn't always match what is in the heart? The heart always struggles with logic where the two are always contradictory. I tend not to think when things are complicated. Sometimes things don't go the way they want. So don't be too hard to drain yourself, sometimes it's not bad to go with your heart and go with the flow. still, we have to be careful because sometimes humans can't overcome their instincts by nature. for that, there is no cure for stupidity.

Let it go ♾

Finally God gave me a quick answer. That is my doubts about him.. Because when I doubt, I choose to not. So far I've been trying talk to him and want to know how much he love me while I’m gone. Anddd When I try, he really let me go, Actually he didn't try to keep me by his side. I don't know why, even though he said he love me, I think it's really just a lie. But I was ready for this reality, bcs I didn't want to play the game. So I quit, I give up and planned to just focus on my life and my mental health. In the end of our conversation he said “I love you” I was very suprised to hear that, bcs he never told me even just once. And it’s priceless for me. But why did he say “he love me” when we broke up. I don’t know what its means? And once again he said “We may not looking each other now but I hope you know you can still call me if you ever need anything” With all the words he said. why he so dignity for some beg, just saying I want to be with you, m...

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