Happy Wound & Most Impressive Lovę

  

  It all started when you wanted to be with me, when you wanted to get to know me again, you just kept trying to win my heart, but I always gave you disappointment. But As time goes by, your persistent heart finally melts me with your tenderness. you are so sweet, so considerate of me. and I don't think there was a single feeling of disappointment when I was with you. You always give a good impression, you always make me happy. but I don't know what makes me so doubtful of you, of your love. even though it's real you're a good man who is so gentle. and finally I looked for the root of my doubts, the root of the problem.

Then I found out, it turns out it all started when we first met which made me so doubtful about life after marriage. It started when you brought someone you shouldn't have introduced to me and I shouldn't have known about it. And how can you very calmly to introduce her to me. Because that made me think again about which decision I should take. Put up with you or leave without explanation. But from any point of view, this method really doesn't make sense and is childish, isn't it? so what should I do? It really shook me up, and during the 1 year we were together it kept bothering me. 

But suddenly the situation changed and passed so quickly, until finally we reached the situation where he wanted me to meet his parents (previously our parents already knew each other, and we were close relatives) but in this situation it was really different, he wanted me to get to knows better his family. It felt so confusing, I was very doubtful and uncertain. I was so afraid he would do the same thing like his other siblings did. I know I was stupid at that time, but this really bothered me until I finally chose to go and leave him. I know this is really childish, but my fear conquered everything, I became afraid of being tied to him, afraid of being in his family's fairy tale and getting a sad story. Sorry if at that time I was so afraid of all my bad thoughts because all came to mind was just a fear.

I know I have disappointed him, but until the end he continued to be gentle. Naive when I said he was so different from other men. But in fact he was a real different, he was the best in terms of his kindness, really at that time I loved him. But logic means I can never be with him. From what I remember, our last conversation was, "Maybe we are no longer together, but when you need me, I will always be there for you." Those words really broke me. Until the end, this gentle man never disappointed me. Even though our connection only existed for 1 year, I still feel regret and sadness to this day. I do love him, but for us to be together forever is something that will never happen.

They said, "Why are you so stubborn like this, even though you really love him?" To be honest, in my relationship this time it was the simplest but most impressive love, a happy wound that I have ever felt in my life. But this time, even though I really love him, Now I really rely on my logic so that I don't fall into the same mistakes again as before.

In my current case, I already know the feeling of being betrayed by someone I love because it hurts so much till I want to die. Therefore, I just took precautions so that the betrayal would never occur.

I really hate fighting, I hate being wasted, I hate feeling like I have no value in front of someone I love, I hate begging, and I hate the process of self-healing. 

And I have avoided all of that from the first so that all hearts can be saved from the poison of betrayal. I know I'm really selfish, but I just want us to be okay, I want none of us to be destroyed. That's my only wish and only this way will make my heart and yours be protected from pain. Sometimes its better for painful things to happen and be felt at the beginning, because afterward the hope is that there will only be happiness that will accompany our life's journey into the future.