We done🏳️

Finally this morning he replied to my message, I know last night he didn't sleep, I don't know what he did, what is certain that this is a matter of priority and I am no longer his priority.

Yes, he replied to my message and he answered by not giving a clear answer, aka depending.

When I ask: what should I do?

He says ; you don't have to do anything pretty. I'm confused too, at this time. I suddenly focused on work, and getting used to other things (he's getting used to his feelings towards me) And It was the same answer I had when I first met him. 

The funny thing is “when I try to focus on that person! it turns out, he starts playing on my trauma”

 I got it, He said; He understood me with all the current situation, but apparently he didn't understand me.

With the answers above I know what to do now,          He didn't want to be the one making the decisions, so he put like it was, he wanted me to make the decisions.

But also I hang everything too;

Ok fine, I'll be fine, these things are normal in life and happen often, today was better than yesterday, it's great that God created such a scenario, my desire to focus on him disappeared, my feelings quickly dwindled, luckily I  already trained with all kinds of feelings.

Today we are done.

And We done things we haven't even started yet,-

FOCUS💭

 

Looks…Its like the night was bored with my arrival in his mind

..

Hey night, please excuse me one more time,

I don't know where else to come, if I come during the day, that's when I and other humans are busy, if I come at night. Ya this is the right time, bcs I can spend more time and calm my mind at night.  
But tonight is different;
Different bcs I come with pain, I come with regret,    I come with a small wound in my heart…
Hhh I have to do something to make my world return to normal! 
unfortunately I feel pain again, The feeling that I avoid the most, That's why I don't want to open my heart to anyone, because in the end I am to blame for my actions, I am to blame for being insensitive and cowardly.  
I don't know what to do anymore, 

He; told me to focus, so I started learn to focus on him, but when I focus on him, he starts to become unfocused on me•

Like whattttt💬💬
 Then will he blame me? 

Bcs I insensitive, bad at texting and not focus on him ? I try my best, but…

Then what should I do with the current situation ?
Now The contents of our messages are hanging from my messages which he doesn't reply to, then I'll find out in the morning.  

And ya…

About the final decisions,

All decisions are in his hands, should I focus and survive or give up and retreat to close again my slightly open space.

Letter To…

Letter to a hopeless romantic…

I hope those who read this blog convey it not by chance.

I truly really hope you will meet someone who is grateful to have you, I don't know when and I may not be able to pray for you to get that person quickly. 

Bcs I also don't know your situation like what, are you ready to accept or not ( A new people ) 

what is certain that I hope this person is truly grateful and happy for you, it doesn't matter what you are.

like, no matter how difficult the situation is, no matter how difficult your relationship with him, he will still make sure you feel safe, try his best to make you feel comfortable, bcs you deserve this, you deserve to be loved, happy and appreciated by those who get it.

…

 I write this for those of you who feel hopeless, I'm sure that someone will come at the right time.

Just wait,

Wait A little bit.

You all deserve happiness and affection, gratitude from the one who owns your heart. 

Xoxo 🦋

A marriage & Age✨

 Again and again, there are things that really make me confused, my point that I sometimes wake up when the moon appears and the sun rises.

they say, how bad are the things on your mind ? yes, it's so bad that I often have insomnia.

    About marriage, it confuses me a lot, sometimes I really want it if I feel lonely, but when I realize it, marriage is not a solution to loneliness.

    A friend asked me: why are you so relaxed and don't want to get married quickly, considering that you are getting older, and you are also being chased by your mother's age.

    Instantly my calm mind returned to shattering,

    They don't know what kind of experiences I see around me, what big things I've gone through and I'm still preparing for that I feel are still far to think about because my journey to marriage seems to still need time for things that I haven't had and haven't  resolved.

    But I don't need to explain it to those people who just want to know about my life.

    Only time and destiny will tell.

A first impression✨

 Hello World

     I want to tell you again about my recent experience.

   More or less I still don't want to open my heart to anyone,

   But recently there was a man who tried so hard to approach me, I was indifferent, I was ignorant and not interested at all, but he still tried to approach me in every way, with all my bad experiences in the past, he slowly...land entered my life.  

Time went on I still ignored him, until the day I met him by accident, bcs I read his short message which I haven't opened for so long, sorry man, I'm really bad at texting✌🏻

   And what happened at the first meeting I was very uncomfortable bcs he was a person in a hurry, as usual I always asked my friend to see if he was comfortable going when I brought a friend and it turned out that he was fine.  yes that is 1 point plus for me.

   However, the first time we met again he quickly made me uncomfortable, but I know that even his past experience made him want to find a companion right away.

   That day Time went on, we told each other about each other's personal experiences, he had his bitter experience and so did I.

   I'm a person who hates telling my bitter experience, my sad story to someone I've just met, but strangely I tell everything spontaneously and so comfortable, is it bcs he is a family man and prioritizes his mother, hmm I don't know, but my assessment of him is a person  humorous one’s, provide a little comfort but can quickly make you comfortable, how can?

   But still, I still limit it bcs it's not easy for me to adapt to new humans.

  And Thankfully with my personality like this, I don't text a lot, sometimes I don't even reply, when I refuse to take his calls, he casually understands and seems okay with it. All of that, I hope it goes slowly and not rushing him, nd he should always be patient with me like this ;D xoxo,.

Any Suggetions?

 

I don't know how I feel right now,

   What is certain is that there a phase where we don't want to know anyone and only focus on ourselves and family.

   But at other times I miss the feeling of happiness, 

the feeling of happiness With partner.

   Feel the butterflies 🦋 in my chest.

   And 

Sometimes I miss being the most painful love for someone.

   Love that makes someone only focus on me, makes him happy then makes him the most miserable person who wants my love until he feel like dying.

   It was the most evil thing I wanted to feel again, 

but what does it mean if I don't want to communicate with anyone.

   Considering I'm very lonely but I'm also enjoying at the same time.  

don't want to start don't want to mince words with a new one, how will all works ?

So does anyone have any suggestions for my story?