Ask your selF.🪸

 

When you're wondering if loving someone was worth it, ask yourself this!

If you could go back in time, if you could do it all over again?  

Will you choose that person, will you choose that hope, knowing that you will also choose that wound?  

Knowing that at one point in time, you had to survive their loss, the ache of missing ? Are you still taking risks for them?

  Do you still love them?  

Did you still stay up until 4am with them on the night you met, letting yourself fall?  

Do you still forgive and believe;  will you still make memories, will you still give them a home in your heart?  See, if the answer is no, then maybe what you have isn't love;  maybe it's a lesson.  

But if your answer is yes, then ah-don't hesitate if it's worth it.  Don't make it less beautiful in your mind, don't turn it into something you choose to forget.  

You had something worth fighting for.

🍁

Funny Feeling

 It's a funny feeling,

 The state when your feelings are not well received, the state when you don't have more intentions but he responds excessively.

I admire him only that much, I want to be his best, 

I want to get to know him well, but his response is too much and it disappoints me, his attitude that has turned so cold makes me feel bad for him, am I wrong, am I exaggerating?

 Why doesn't a man just say when he's uncomfortable, turning cold in my opinion is not a solution.  

It just makes things worse and it's very awkward and confusing.

 With this now I'm even more careful of him and of everyone else...

🍁

Someday ?

 

When I'm with you, I act different. 

In a good way of course. I smile more and

laugh more. I don't have to pretend

everything is okay when it's really not.

With you, I can drop the fake smile and

put on a real one. I don't feel hurt and

alone when I'm with you. Instead, I feel

safe and loved. You're easy to talk to, and

you listen to me. I don't have to worry

about holding back with you. I don't feel

self conscious. I don't ever feel insecure or

sad. You show me that you really do care,

and you're not just pretending. I really

appreciate your company, bcs with

you I'm different. 

Sometimes I want do the some things with you, I want you to play with my hair while we watch movie, I want you to hug me in the middle of my job's, 

I want share everything good and bad things,

I want you to play my favorite song when I

look sad. I want you to do these things

without having to think about them. And I want you do them bcs you love me. Can you ? I hope I can do these things with you someday.

I win 🫵🏻🖕🏻

   

After many years after that incident. In the 2rd year, you finally have the guts to contact me again, I don't know what that means, for sure I'm no longer interested in serving you dude. You already know, when I already hate someone, then I'll clear them completely from my life, pretend they didn't exist & never came. And now what I'm doing to you!

#That's what I always instilled when I grew up

Until the time you beg to come back to me, nd I don't care at all. bcs it is a very painful form of disappointment.You know what type of person I am when you make me down ? I’ll immediately disappear and will not give you access to contact me, not even a single loophole.

…

You know, people say 🗯

until now why "you are still looking for me" and "I still feels hurt" they said. "There s still an unfinished story". but I don't think so even though the wound you planted in my heart will always be remembered. Remember when I was alone and lonely, the trauma you left behind it took me a long time to open and heal my heart again. This is an old wound that imprinted deeply on my heart bcs of the impact of this wound.  I feel very self-loathing and blame myself for everything happen in my life.

Until finally my wound slowly healed, even though I was crawling in pain I was able to get to this point and survive even though my wound was still there.

What do I want now;

The heart that immediately came to cover my wounds that never subsided.

A warm heart for a cold me...

A clear heart for my cloudy heart...

And a heart that lives for a long-dead taste...

That's my hope, even though hope always hurts but still I always have hope...

So Don't worry I already confirmed to myself

"Sometimes, it's okay if what you want doesn't live up to your expectations, life won't always go the way you expect, so keep things simple, so you don't get too hung up on expectations."

PS; I know you still stalk my blog and read all of fucking this shit all day.   

One thing 💭

“started 2 year ago I win and you still lose”

Some Validation🍁

 

I don't know why someone needs validation after being left, needs some statement or apology ? 

maybe the way those who have left apologizing will soothe?  but for what ?  what do you need that confession for, why are you looking for him back, even though your heart knows you don't want it, you hate him, but why do you really need his apology after just leaving, will you feel relieved when he apologizes, do you  will sleep well after that?  

To you : 

Right now, you’ll never know how I feel; what i've been through all this time

It’s been years since I’ve heard from you, and I had lost my hopes at that time and What I want is for you to come and tell me where I need to go and anything is up wrong  ?

so that I can sleep in peace fully at least just one night, bcs I haven't in two years.

You know what as long as I held on when you knocked me down until now I'm still holding on, 

A bad and good things that I've been through alone.

I never ask for help often, I handle my own healing

But When I do need someone, Thats when you know its really bad. but it's okay everyone will feel difficult things in their life

Even I’ve been let down a thousand time I still holding on.