My stupidity but my heart really enjoys it.

 

 

Now he is silent again, silencing the voice of his heart which can never be predicted and understood by my common sense, my logic is looking for the right way to be able to speak to your heart which is so complicated, your mind which is so difficult. I don't know where else I look to chase your love that I can't reach, like the footsteps I follow and when I land I will never be able to merge with your shadow. As if we were never together, you just passed by like the wind. I don't know what method to use to restore my heart which is no longer whole, it's so painful to live my own story without you. Will this pain continue to accompany my dark path? Will you meet me again after your long adventure? it's really confusing and makes me in pain, again love traumatizes me to no end, so what kind of love will I get in the future? I always wait for happiness to come in my darkness that never goes away, but once again I still hope for its presence without time limits. stupid right? yes, but I think it's love that I feel, my logic knows my stupidity but my heart really enjoys it.

His thought are so difficult to understand...

 

 For the current situation, I just surrender to God for what will happen next in my life. After a long adventure he finally decided to go home. I also don't understand much of what he says, the contents of his thoughts are so difficult for me to understand, right now I prefer not to know what's in his heart, because I feel very tired of following his instincts which are very slow, that I can't keep up with him, to a man of mature age like him. , is he just pretending to be insensitive and pretending to be stupid? I really want to know that, so that I can take a stand about what I should do after finding out whether he really loves me or not. then tell me the truth so that I don't get confused at this time. but again I discovered something new in him, I thought he was a man who could adapt quickly, in fact after we had been together for a whole year he still needed a little time to get to know me and understand my feelings. I mean, what the hell is this? this is no longer the time for such things. until it feels like I'm the only one who always guesses everything about his feelings. Now I just let time pass by, let it go along with time which is increasingly bound after our separation some time ago, but my heart always has a limit of patience, I will just wait a little longer than usual and after this I will take enough time to take a stand about how he feels about me. because I don't want to waste my time on the wrong person again.

After 2 year ago… A questions already answered▫️

 Tonight the moon appeared perfectly round accompanied by your presence again after 2 years of being away, but I just think that he remembered the way home, for real he didn't forget. but after he traveled for 2 years 708 days, 17,520 hours, 1,051,200 minutes and 63,072,000 seconds. Why does he look back at me as if he wants to go back? I thought, have you not found the exact woman you want? I don't know after this short meeting tonight. there are so many questions that I haven't asked after I didn't get the chance to ask him before. but the answer to my longing was paid off tonight, with your presence even if only for a moment.

question 2 years ago finally found the answer. It's really evil, I think he's a jerk who is just playing with my feelings without knowing that there is something actually bothering him, there is anxiety that he is hiding. After that night I realized that something was wrong with him, everything was going so slowly following the flow according to his instincts, while my instincts were going too fast so he was left behind me. What I think I assume was very simple, the fact that never as simple as he think. he was so far behind me, he just disappeared. I think he was too mean, in fact he lost his way at that moment. even though I didn't know what the purpose and purpose of his departure was, he should have told me so that no one's heart would be hurt at that time. even though in the end we were both hurt and tried to heal each other's our wounds. but I still don't understand what's in his heart, things that are still difficult for me to guess. what is certain is, that tonight after many years I  really can fall asleep with smiling.