🍁Last Autumn Little Butterfly 🦋

 

It turns out that the phase of losing interest in everything exists. This phase comes when I have felt all forms of life's wounds that come. such as love, spiritual life, successive failures and having to rise from something very tiring to start over. This phase comes when I am completely numb to everything. I don't know where to start, it feels very difficult. I need a slap to get my spirit back. I can only complain and cry when I'm going to sleep, but I always take the time to be grateful when I wake up. Oh my God, this is really tiring. I don't know what else to do. I really feel a lot of hatred for many people, especially men, I am not traumatized or in pain because of love but this time this feeling just comes. I really hate this situation. 

       Many times I saw you on the corner of the city in front of the place where you earn a living. Dressed in black and the typical hat you always wear. I don't know what was on my mind at that time, memories after memories appeared one by one in my mind rebuilding the illusion that made me happy. The illusion of deception that made me want to hug and meet you again. But it was only my illusion that wanted it. My logic asked me to not want to meet you in any possibility. 

  A week after i tried to end my love, i feel more and more longing for you and wanting you.  I feel like i want to be in your arms.  I wait for your call in the middle of the night and we talk until the rooster crows in the morning and that is our warning to stop talking, Everyday for a week we do sleep calls. i know it will make me and you depend on our love feelings.  I always thought you loved me very deeply and so did i. but i know we have deep trauma and are afraid to start a relationship. I losing you again and this time i disappeared because i read the sign from you that you aren’t ready to live, you are still shackled by your youth, and your happy times with the world aren’t over.  I knew this from the start. my heart always wants to stay with you but my logic says otherwise. again my relationship is not going well, i love you very much. but a month has passed i really feel lonely, loneliness kills heart. but i am used to the feeling that has died, so e...