🍁 Last Autumn, Little Butterfly 🦋

Why do we often need to use manipulative traits to get through life and face life's challenges?  It's interesting how manipulative traits have become such an important part of living life. Even introverts person, who may prefer solitude, may use traits of manipulative to avoid a social group. For  instance; feigning illness or exhaustion as a convenient excuse. by doing that so she chooses that way to avoid a social group which means she doesn’t want to come.  so ya that's a choice and that's a simple example of good manipulation used in daily life. For me there's nothing wrong with that strategy. It's a good way for people to set boundaries without feeling uncomfortable for individuals who find difficult way to say ‘no’ directly, this approach provides more comfortable alternative. I think manipulation is just a natural part of human being. Some people use it for bad things, while others use it in a more positive way, without hurting anyone. We’ve all see...

  Long story short '' She got pain in the past, then there is the man tried to show her what pure love really is. but after he gave everything that pure love, all the man got just was pain in the end .'' do you understand what I mean? yes, she hurt him when the man tried to fix the woman's heart. the lesson is don't ever try to fix or want to heal someone's wounds, and act like a hero who will save her from trauma. My advice is you don't ever have a relationship with someone who has just been destroyed as much as possible from a failed relationship because you will only get a disaster at the end of the relationship. when you have fixed her pain when she recovers she will just leave. believe my words, you have to a relationship with someone who just finished with her past, healed by loving herself and she is ready to open her heart to someone new, just start a relationship with a woman like that, because she is finished with her past and also finished wi...

    Sometimes I want to always discuss about pain deeply, but I'm still afraid of other people's think that say my topic is always about pain like I'm always complaining and ignoring the blessings that God has given. no is not like that. this time I want to say it in general. The pain felt by all humans around me even in all corners of the world each human has pain that they can't even express. they just enjoy it in silence and complain in the screams of prayer at night when the world isn't busy. those who feel pain often crash into that pain over and over again without mercy. they crash into their trauma over and over again and no one knows how they get through it and manage to fight the trauma .  only he and God know how it went well.   I just hope that other humans never judge or take someone's pain lightly, don't try their luck and say '' your wound is not that big, my wound is worse than yours '', ''your trauma can heal faster, ...

''about the fear that sometimes I can't face'' There are so many fears that I fight with courage and compulsion because of a necessity, because the only one who can do it is yourself, even you yourself can't rely on the existence of others or you take advantage of them just because you are afraid of living alone. I always pretend to be brave, wherever I go I am always alone, even though honestly I have a fear that I always manage to face, but behind it all I just continue to feel the feeling of afraid and even I hope to rely on someone to be by my side and I know that impossible, then I just through that feeling with bravely.  Sometimes I am afraid to go home at night because of my overtime. “ I am afraid of heavy rain on the way home, I am afraid of the sound of rain like a storm the accompanying with the sound of thunder, on every step I always afraid, but I don't know what to do other than just rely on myself .” When I get home I am even afraid to op...

Inevitably, now I have found that I've to start a relationship. start a new story, start a drama,  Start a love story, start loving but see who will win or lose in this love story. oh hi babe really I'm not ready, I'm not ready babe.  what should I do I really feel short of breath.  I have to start over something I want but I don't want to start. babe it turns out this time is not easy, this is really not easy.  today the day of the meeting arrived, but it turns out I'm being a very lousy girl,  relying more on fear than courage. so hesitant, so afraid of things that haven't happened, Always hesitant to make a move! I’m holding back, but I know I need to take the leap. but now I really feel can't calm down and breathe properly. I am brave in everything, but the problem of the f*cking love is clearly a different thing for me to go through. but... I think when I choose someone to be my lover its the fate I choose, but when I fall in love with someone I don...

  Character is very interesting to discuss, I never thought I would like writing and even reading many books at the age of 19 I just learned a lot of things from the books I bought and kept, that's why people around me said I grew up bored, but I didn't care and ignored it. I used to question that statement but now I understand I was too critical of many things especially about the character that I want to build from a young age at that time. I used to often study the many characters of people around me, but I didn't judge I just saw and assessed then stored them in my brain cells. it turns out that the adults around me who have reached the age of around 30 like my age now they have gone through a lot of things and yes they have determined what their own character will be like in the future, and I have also determined what my character I want to be like. a person who doesn't talk much but when deciding something is always straightforward and precise. being quiet and my...

  Life now very chaotic, even in my own country everything is chaos, my escape now is to easy unlike before, when night comes I feel anxiety even in my sleep, and tonight I just wake up in 2am because I feel short of breath then without thinking I immediately rush to the beach to feel the peace of the sound of the waves at night, lately I have been very afraid of being alone at night because of the dream I had a week ago, I know it is my spiritual guidance but I still denial that guidance, I cry and screams silently because afraid someone would hears it but only the waves accompany me tonight.  Life sucks, but i know nothing ever easy in this life, life’s tough but i am tougher! so I fight hard like a man, and I think I am a man in the body and soul of a woman.  I'm just an ordinary woman with all the obstacles that I always face in my life and 2024 ago, my family and I managed to overcome the obstacles that came incessantly, then I promised that after this pain over I wi...