🍁Last Autumn Little Butterfly 🦋

  You know until now I'm not angry and don't hate your actions at that time, now I just live my life as usual, even though this time it was really a heavy loss for me, bcs I had to fight alone to forget you and I actually didn't want to do it. but I won’t be selfish, I try to forget what happened and accept the fact that everything is over. I was never angry with the decisions you made or I made, I was just disappointed why it seemed like I always deserved to feel pain, did I not deserve the love I wanted ? when I was ready with all the circumstances that would happen in the future and I wanted to live it with you, luck wasn’t on my side, after that day on the way home I was so happy because yes I would start a new story with the person I love. but circumstances said otherwise fate turned me back into the saddest person right now. I regret it again and again blaming myself for what happened. I don't hate him, on the contrary I hate myself and always question my worthine...

  My heart is broken - so broken that it will never be whole again. this is too painful, i just realized how meaningless i am in his life, even with the person i consider important, i am just a small part in his life and even if i leave, he will still be fine. i realized because all this time i misinterpreted his love for me, I  always thought it was love, because whatever form of love i wanted, he always gave it. but in the end i knew that all of that never meant anything to him, and he never loved me. God after this, please win my story, I even want to be the goal of someone I love. i think some losses yesterday were enough to be valuable lessons for me, then after this gave me what i deserved God, i am so scared that i doubt my worth because of yesterday's incident. i will close this story even though for me this story never started, but i’ll started it sincerely and lived it meaningfully. and finally i will erase you from my good plans. let's go through this separation we...

 I have a question about the value of my feelings. In the relationship I'm in now, for some reason I'm still numb, am I doing all this wrong? With a heavy heart, it seemed like I was making a fool of myself and without realizing it I would hurt him again and again. Maybe I'm doing this because I need someone to talk to? How evil if that were true. I'm lonely, I'm in pain, I keep feeling like I've failed in this life, why in my life is only once, several times I have to bury my dreams deeply just because of problems that are not my problem but I have to be responsible for those mistakes. I was so tired, so sick, everything was connected without me realizing it. I got hurt again and again, but on the other hand I also hurt his feelings. God, please give me the best way to solve this never-ending problems.  If indeed he was created for me, please remove all doubts in my heart and his. If he is destined to be my companion, please soften his heart so that he focuses ...

      S ulking about love that can't be reached, how the feeling of love exists even though he doesn't know I exist, how do I convey this feeling of love, how can I make him connect with me and I can perfect this love that is mine. I wanted to run away but what if I regretted it without having time to express my feelings, my love for him was so deep even long before he had a lover, my heart hurt until it broke when I found out he had someone I never knew about. my thoughts were someone I knew, I felt I changed suddenly and I wanted to bury it deep without telling the truth. Really, the feeling of love makes me devastated, I don't want to know love anymore, it feels very sad, especially if my love falls and isn't reciprocated, how unlucky I would be.

  I found myself who hasn't yet found what my heart really needs, who knows where the footsteps of this heart will actually go? I hope for him because I love him so much or I just feel lonely ? On the one hand, the people around me are worried that if I am alone for too long, I will have to awaken my long-dead love cells. My confusion gets worse when things frustrate me and don't go according to my plan. but this time I surrendered and entrusted my destiny to God, and yes my destiny must have been made by God, but I am still waiting for his decision, what will it be like? and how much longer will I wait for things that are still a mystery in my life's journey. God, how long do I have to patiently wait for my part? How long do I have to accept that my time is not now, sorry if this is the only instant answer I get, but I think I have fought very hard to get to the present stage. but if you think I haven't, I will wait, but make my wait a very beautiful wait, I really hop...